Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize