So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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