I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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