PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
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I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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