After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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