i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
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There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
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I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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