YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
