Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
