She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I didn't notice because vodka
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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