I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
