I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
