it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Sorry about my life...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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