I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
