yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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