life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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