My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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