Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
