drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize