I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
