Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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