OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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