Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
