It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
