dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize