Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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