The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
