Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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