Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
