I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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