yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
