we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
