I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
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this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
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I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
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