Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
