If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize