I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
