i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
