id be glad to
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize