your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
