the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
