my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize