i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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