She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
