Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
