Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
