I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Randomize
