We won't sleep together?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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