could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You left your underwear on the fireplace
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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