a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
time to smoke my breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize