bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
