There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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