Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
