I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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