Is it normal to miss your booty call?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
