I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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