So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis