The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
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I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
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Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back