I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it