Texts From Last Night

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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.

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  (270): There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal. http://tfl.nu/1sv3
  Replies (26) Good night (3883) Bad night (602) Order T-Shirt
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.

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  (301): All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order. http://tfl.nu/n0bh
  Replies (12) Good night (801) Bad night (3579) Order T-Shirt
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.

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  (443): God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse. http://tfl.nu/g7w2
  Replies (18) Good night (3911) Bad night (880) Order T-Shirt
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.

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  (773): I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys. http://tfl.nu/3mjd
  Replies (8) Good night (959) Bad night (5324) Order T-Shirt
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Fuck now we have to have sex

  (1-203): View more from Connecticut

  What?

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  In a bet, need to win

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  (203): Fuck now we have to have sex (1-203): What? (203): In a bet, need to win http://tfl.nu/ejzn
  Replies (20) Good night (5330) Bad night (1021)
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  (912): View more from Georgia

  Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.

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  (912): Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up. http://tfl.nu/ccc0
  Replies (4) Good night (4138) Bad night (656) Order T-Shirt
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor

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  (812): For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor http://tfl.nu/nslr
  Replies (9) Good night (1770) Bad night (3089) Order T-Shirt
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  (727): View more from Florida

  Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.

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  (727): Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today. http://tfl.nu/0xc9
  Replies (5) Good night (1411) Bad night (576) Order T-Shirt
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..

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  (309): remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him.. http://tfl.nu/o0zu
  Replies (12) Good night (1235) Bad night (2100) Order T-Shirt
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I'm romantic.

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  (306): I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones. (306): I'm romantic. http://tfl.nu/dair
  Replies (4) Good night (1390) Bad night (315)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.

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  (303): You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack. http://tfl.nu/ud5l
  Replies (3) Good night (514) Bad night (838) Order T-Shirt
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.

  (1-410): View more from Maryland

  Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here

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  (443): They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing. (1-410): Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here http://tfl.nu/0wca
  Replies (7) Good night (1179) Bad night (285)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.

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  (586): Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at. http://tfl.nu/sdak
  Replies (2) Good night (179) Bad night (563) Order T-Shirt
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  (760): View more from California

  I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.

  (951): View more from California

  Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped

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  (760): I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire. (951): Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped http://tfl.nu/trsg
  Replies (3) Good night (195) Bad night (338)
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  (925): View more from California

  She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.

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  (925): She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking. http://tfl.nu/98oz
  Replies (4) Good night (145) Bad night (418) Order T-Shirt

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