rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
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Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
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I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm getting married
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.