Define "chronic" masturbator.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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