I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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