You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
