alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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