my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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